Don't Hug the Fluffy Wrecking Balls: A Guide to Staying Alive During Wildlife Encounters

Spring is here, and all the great National Parks and wildlife parks are open, ready to welcome millions of people from around the world.

It's beautiful, stunning, peaceful, and full of majestic creatures that would prefer not to have brunch with you and will let you know......

If you are anything like me, you are mesmerized by the beauty of nature, grateful when Mother Nature graces you to be part of her, and can't wait to set off on a day of adventure to visit one of our incredible National or wildlife parks.  

Whether you're hiking, camping, spending a day at the lake,  or are just trying to get the perfect wildlife "selfie",  here is your slightly sarcastic-but-seriously important guide to staying safe and alive around some of nature's most iconic "does-not-play-well-with-Humans" animals and snakes.

1. Baers: The Fuzzy Tanks of Nature

What they are: Massive, strong, and faster than they look, linebackers with a nose that can smell your snack stash from a mile away, not to be confused with Yogi or the Charmin bear.

Safety Tips:

• Stay at least 360 ft away, that's the size of a football field.  If a bear notices you or changes its behavior, you are too close.
• Don't Run. Bears can sprint like Olympic athletes. Running = prey behavior and triggers pursuit.  Be boring, stay calm, and if you get caught up in a close encounter, stand your ground and back away slowly (also a good time to start praying, confessing your sins, and kissing your derriere goodbye)
• Carry Baer Spray. Not optional, life-saving.
• Make Noise. Bears prefer to avoid you. Let them know you are around (time to show off your gift of gab).
• Store Food & Dispose of Garbage Properly. Bears are notorious for raiding campsites looking for a gourmet snack and return for refills. Make sure to store everything in sealed containers or ziploc bags. 
• STAY AWAY FROM CUBS: Yes, they are adorable and look so cuddly, but the only thing you'll get to cuddle with is Mom, and she is rough. Be assured that even if you only see a cub, Momma is within very close proximity and striking range, always ready to protect her cubs. If she can send a male ber running for the hills, just imagine what she'll do to you.... 

2. Bisons: The Fluffy Bulldozers of the Plains

What They Are: America's original muscle cars, weigh a ton, run 35 mph, and are having none of your nonsense.

• Stay at least 75 ft away, especially if it's a male in fall or a cow with her calf. Stay clear off tall grass, and never get caught between Mom and her calf. If it looks close enough to pet, you are way too close. 
• No Selfies:  Yes, they are majestic. No, they don't care about being featured on your Instagram account or your next reel.
• Watch their body language: A raised head, tail, stirring up dirt with their hoof are all indicators of the fluffy bulldozer not being thrilled, and an attack may be imminent. Back away, slowly. 
• Moms and Calves: Like all Moms, Bison Moms are no different, will protect their offspring, and attack, but unlike bears, male bison are part of the defense team and will also pursue you to protect their cows, calves, and the herd.  To protect their calves from predators, Moms like to hide calves in tall grass and will defend the area fiercely, before you even see the calf.

3. Elks: The Antlered Testosterone-Laden Brawling Machines 

What They Are: Giant deer with glorious antlers and awful tempers during the rut (for you city slickers, that means mating season), late August through mid-October. Bull elk form harems, bugle to make their presence known, challenge other bull elk to fight for dominance, and let the brawling commence.

• Keep your distance: Stay at least 75 ft away, especially during mating and baby season (May - June).
• Never Get Between a Mom and Her Calf:  Like bison, elk cows tend to hide their calves in tall grass to protect them from predators. 

But not all dangers are furry, cuddly, or showing off glorious racks, and look majestic. Some are much smaller and closer to the ground.

4. Rattlesnakes: The Maracas of Mayhem (if it rattles back off)

What They Are:  Rattlesnakes are venomous pit vipers found throughout North America. They are typically shy and avoid human contact. If you get too close, this serpent will warn you, serenading you playing the song of death, with the rattle in its tail. Living in Arizona, we have an abundance of these beautiful yet deadly Maracas of Mayhem.

• Download SnakeBite911 on your phone before heading out. Very helpful guide managing snakebites, until emergency services can get to you.
• Wear Boots when hiking in terrain where these critters might be encountered.
• Keep Your Distance: Rattlesnakes can strike up to about two-thirds of their body length (for example, a 6 ft snake can strike about up to 4 ft.
• Avoid Provocation: Give the snake plenty of space to get away. Do not play Crocodile Hunter (remember him? "She's a Beauty" crazy Australian wildlife conservationist wrangling the world's most venomous snakes)? You're not him, and now is not the time to be macho trying to impress your friends.    
• Hiking with your 4-legged Best Friend: If you live in a region or are exploring an area, rattlesnake encounters may be more likely. talking to your veterinarian about protecting your dog with a rattlesnake vaccine can be the difference between life and death. Dogs are naturally curious, and speaking from personal experience (it ended well since my English Bulldog was on a leash), the rattle may be misunderstood as an invitation to play.

5. Water Moccasins (Cottonmouth): The Venomous King of the Swamp and Lakes

What They Are: Semi-aquatic venomous snakes found in the southeastern and parts of the Western US, known to stand their ground and flash the white lining in their mouth (cottonmouth) when feeling threatened. They are commonly found in areas like ponds and lakes, drainage ditches, swamps, and marshland. Follow the same guidelines as for all snakes.

6. Alligators: Swamp's Bouncer Flashing the Original Do Not Feed The Wildlife Sign

What They are: Gators are large reptiles in the crocodile family and play a vital part in our ecosystem throughout the Southeast and parts of China. They blend in well in their environment and are not always easy to spot. They are generally timid towards people, and most of the time (keyword: MOST) will retreat.

• Do Not Feed or Molest an Alligator, Seriously: You might wonder who would ever think of molesting an alligator, relax and get your mind out of the gutter. Aside from being a law, this means do not feed or bother an alligator. Alligators will lose their natural fear of humans and become more aggressive, anticipating getting fed and putting you on their menu.
• Do Not Swim with Alligators: Gators can be found in lakes, ponds, swamps, drainage ditches, brackish water like estuaries where rivers meet the ocean, and are also known to invite themselves to a swim in your pool in your backyard.
• Keep Your Distance: Gator's appearance is deceiving. They may look slow, but don't let this fool you. They can reach speeds of up to 35 mph on land and 20 mph in water.
• Keep Your Dog on a Leash: You know the old saying, curiosity killed the cat...same goes for dogs. Their natural instinct to check things out will end up in becoming part of the gator's snack menu.

Wildlife isn't malicious. It is wild. Don't try to pet or feed the wilderness. You enter their home without a formal invitation. They live there, you don't. Be respectful of them and their habitat. Love them from afar. Leave their homes as you found it, take your trash with you.

Zoom with your camera, not your feet. This is not a petting zoo. They are not Disney characters featured in movies like The Lion King.  They will attack you when feeling threatened because you invaded their space. Follow the rule of thumb. If it has fangs, claws, antlers, a warning rattle, or scales, stay clear, stay safe. We can all coexist. Have a magical adventure day outdoors.

HAPPY TRAVELS